Woah. It’s been one year of marriage already. It’s so crazy for us to think that a year ago we were saying “I do” fresh out of high school, ready to take on a completely new life the next day. Our wedding day was the last day that we called our small town, Canyon, Texas home. We set out for Lakewood, Colorado in hopes to take on the college life, new jobs, and our married life together. Through the past 12 months, the Lord has taught us many things in our marriage. Even though these are things that we have learned, we still have to constantly remind ourselves of these things everyday. We mess up. Things get ugly sometimes. We are human. But continuing to seek God and work on these small things has kept our marriage strong. Of course we don’t know it all and we don’t claim to, but we are learning what helps our marriage grow. I have been so excited to work on this blog because it’s the first one that Landon has been apart of. I am really so thankful for him jumping on board and writing out his perspective. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t cry when I read what he had wrote. He is so good to me!
Anyways, these are just a few of the things that have helped us and we hope that they can also speak to your marriage or future marriage.
1. Small Things Matter
Let me start by saying, I am a man, and most men struggle with this at some point in marriage. The small things are just gestures that show Abigayle I love her and am always thinking of her. Before we got married and started this amazing journey, I had a lot more time on my hands and would take her on dates, open the car door for her, bring her flowers and plan fun things to do. When we moved I found I was putting so much effort to work because I know how important it is for me to provide. I put that over the small things and it caused the most important person in my life to feel like she was being overlooked. I have worked hard at showing her just how much I care and it helps her feel just how important she really is to me.
2. Within reason always say yes.
I always dreamed of providing for my own family someday. Even without kids in the mix (for multiple more years, knock on wood) Abigayle is the family I can provide for now. We have to stick to a budget, that is for sure, but when I sign a new client, or work some extra hours to put us up for the month, I have the opportunity to make my wife feel special. She does not ask for much, but if and when she ever wants something, I want to be able to say absolutely! With all that she does for me I have a deep desire to make her feel like a princess, not just a companion who does most of the work around the house.
3. Pray together
These are not numbered by importance but if they were, this would be at the top! Our relationship with each other thrives when we set apart time to walk with God together. We still do not do this enough but are working harder at it everyday. God has come through for us in an incredible way with everything that has come to fruition in the past year and he deserves our devotion to him. When we pray together, we are building a foundation for our love that is more than just feelings.
4. Stay Silly
A few months ago on one of my days off Abigayle was out running errands and I had a great idea. After pretty much tearing apart our apartment to have enough supplies, I constructed and incredible pillow fort. This fort featured a flat screen tv, Xbox, multiple Red Box movies and all you can eat Domino’s pizza. It was silly but we had so much fun and all of our worries were set aside for the whole day! We laugh and joke together as often as we can because it just makes life more fun. Never miss out on the fun you can have with your spouse.
5. Remind her.
Always remind your wife to do the dishes, wash the laundry and cook tasty meals, if you want to ruin your marriage. I want mine to thrive so I remind her about other things. I never want a day to pass where she does not hear how much I care about her. I remind her of her of how beautiful she is as much as possible because believe it or not, she can forget. I have neglected it in the past because sometimes I would think that she already understands how much I love her because I married her. It doesn’t work that way. I’ve learned that she should be be reminded of this on a regular basis so our marriage can thrive. My wife means the world to me and deserves to hear that every single day.
1. The Struggle is SO worth it.
As I was walking down the aisle on June 18th of 2016, I wouldn’t have believed you if you would have told me that marriage, college, and moving would be a struggle in the next few months. I wouldn’t have accepted that. I remember thinking of our perfect life to come. Everything would be perfect. Ha, I guess I was forgetting that marriage, college, and moving can sometimes be hard. Adjusting to our life was actually a bit of a struggle. We were learning how to live with one another and also juggle work and a full time class load. Even though the struggle was so real, it was also so worth it. I learned more about myself, my husband, and what it really means to trust in the Lord in the first few months of marriage. So, I encourage you if you are in that struggle right now or are soon to be married, try not to seek perfection but realize that sometimes life is hard but the struggles that we face can teach us so many rewarding things about ourselves & our spouse.
2. Give Grace
This one hits home hard. I’m going to very honest, my biggest struggle in our marriage is giving grace. A lot of our arguments or heated discussions are rooted in my unableness to give grace sometimes. In the first 6 months of our marriage I couldn’t see that. I would constantly hold a grudge for just a little thing such as Landon leaving his stuff out or my absolute favorite, leaving the toilet seat up.(Lol, this is a real thing y’all) A small little thing would turn into a big arguement. As we spent late nights talking to each other about what the issue really was I had a realization that all of it could have been avoided with a little grace on my end. Giving grace is something that I have sought and continue to work on in our marriage. Learning to give grace and continuing to give grace has been so impactful in our marriage.
3. Communication is key
Communication is key in every aspect of marriage. Finances, daily schedule, feelings, everything. If I don’t ask Landon if I can go shopping and spend $100 and he doesn’t ask me if he can spend $100 on supplements (I don’t even understand how supplements are worth that? Haha) and we only have $100 for extra spending then we have gone $100 over our budget and we will most likely have created an arguement. We have learned that communicating with each other has stopped arguments from even happening.
4. Carve out time for each other
A crucial ingredient for a healthy marriage, carving out time for each other is something that we quickly learned is so critical. Business quickly began to overrun our lives as school and work were in full swing. Our time together was spent watching Netflix or doing homework together. Even though it was time together, it was not sufficient time to have deep conversations to grow closer together. When we realized that we needed more than small talk or movie watching, we started to prioritize quality time together. Landon is always so good at creating a fun date to spend quality time together. Of course, carving out time for each other is constantly a work in progress. It’s never finished. We have to continue to strive for it.
5. Always run to each other
After moving to another state together, not knowing anyone here, we were almost forced into this one. I can genuinely say that time away from our small hometown and families in the first year of marriage was the biggest blessing. Instead of seeking our parents or friends in hard times, we learned to seek The Lord and each other. I remember one particular afternoon in our third or fourth week of marriage, Landon and I were in a particularly big argument over who knows what. I was so frustrated I said, “I’m leaving!”. I walked down our apartment steps and out the door and it hit me. “Where am I going? Landon is the only person that I even know in Colorado. He is the only person I have.” With that, I turned around and went back up to our apartment to work things out. We worked things out on our own, no outside advice or drama, just us. I have learned that seeking Landon rather than anyone else is far more rewarding in our marriage.
This year has been the greatest adventure of our lives. Marriage is truly one of the biggest blessings that God has given us. We wish you all blessings in your current or future journey of marriage.
Landon & Abigayle Pasley